So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Randomize
