Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Randomize
