I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize
