Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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