Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
