he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Randomize
