You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
Someone shattered a urinal.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
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