im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
I just got carded by a ten year old.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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