this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
