The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize