Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
