did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
I need moral support for this bender
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
