bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
