is your mom at the bar?
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Randomize
