God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
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