You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
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