I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
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