Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
