Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Two words: nipple clamps
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