dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Randomize
