It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
Randomize
