i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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