Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
