Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
This is not my ceiling
I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
We are two peas in an std pod
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
