Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
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