Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Randomize
