Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
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