Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
