is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
