My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
fuck your aforementioned shoe
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
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