Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
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