I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Randomize
