how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
