Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Randomize
