xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
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