I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
