There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
