this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
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