Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
