Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
