I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
