oh god the rape fog is back!
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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