Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
21 People Tragically Stumbled Upon A Dead Body
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
27 Socially Expected Things That Are The Absolute Worst
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.