she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Oh god it's open bar.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?