marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
accomplished twins. life is a go
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
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I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
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My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.