It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
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It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
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Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that