Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
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you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
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And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
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