How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
Randomize
