god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
