just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Randomize
