I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
