I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
