It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Randomize
