so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Randomize
