So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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