Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
