i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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