In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
