I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
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