Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Randomize
