we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
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