Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Randomize
