Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
