He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
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