he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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