so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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