I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Randomize
