I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
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