Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
