My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
tell your sister to shave her snatch
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Randomize
