We're like a lot better than the average bears
Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
