Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
