My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
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