yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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